Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Laughter is the Best Medicine - A Vision

As the days become increasingly shorter and the air's bite gets sharper, and the day's endless list of tasks keeps getting longer - the opportunity for my daily walks with Lance, my 13 year old yellow lab, gets shorter and shorter. But I was determined yesterday to get away from work and the computer before the darkness settled in and when he saw me grab the leash off the hook on the wall, the "smile" on his face was priceless!

It was about 4:30PM EST and the afternoon sky was glowing a faint gray; not yet dark but the light of the sun had definitely been extinguished. Lance, who ordinarily gallops outside with no particular destination other than opposite where he's suppose to be in our yard, stayed close to my heel in anticipation of being strapped to his leash for our walk. As I fumbled with the clasp and his collar, my hands felt that momentary tingling of cold that makes you shake loose the sleeve of your shirt to cover your hands quickly from that shocking effect of the first realization that next time, you should remember to grab the gloves on your way out!

We avoided the traditional walk through the field and the park. While in bed the night before, I was shocked to hear the howling of coyotes pretty close to the development and the creepiness of it made me nervous so late in the day... I steered him up the main hill of our townhouse community towards the street parallel to ours. As we trotted up the hill I pulled on his leash dragging him off the curb while he tried to sniff every falling leaf and I fumbled with the wrapper of a snack-sized Snickers that I stole from the basket next to the front door left over from Halloween; fumbling of course, as I tried to open the wrapper with my hands, half hidden in my Old Navy sweatshirt!

As we turned the curb onto the next street, I let Lance win the tug-of-war as he pulled me onto the curb with him and I giggled as I caught the now freed tiny Snickers bite, before dropping it. I let him drag me along as I tried to dig my hands back into the upper warmth of my sleeves and I finally looked up to appreciate the lingering colorful leaves on their branches.

As we walked along I noticed a neighbor inside her lit garage packing the back of her SUV while her large black dog with a bright blue collar sat directly behind the truck looking out at us. I instinctively clutched Lance's leash tighter and looked down at him. When he was younger he would excitedly bolt after anything that moved! With age he wags his tail when he sees people, completely ignores small dogs as if he couldn't be bothered with them, but he still gets excited when he comes across large dogs...

He looked up, wagged his tail, pulled forward a little and then went back to sniffing the ground around him again. I stood there a little perplexed as I looked back towards the open garage door. The woman waved as I greeted her with a "hi!" and Lance and I continued walking as we reached the driveway where she stood directly in front of us. I turned towards her again and stood there in absolute SHOCK and audibly gasped when she grabbed the large dog by his bright blue collar and flung him over her shoulder and threw him into the back of the truck!

I must have blinked what seemed like a hundred times in the instant it took for her to throw the dog over her head and into the truck.

"Oh my god!" I screamed!

Awestricken and almost paralyzed by what I had witnessed, I walked forward towards her and in the first fraction of a second of thought, wondered quite frankly, if the Bionic Woman had been living up on the hill from me all this time and I had just witnessed her secret powers and in the second fraction of a second a strange haunting wave of fear took over me as I hastened my pace up the freakishly long driveway, worried about the dog that was just thrown like a rag doll into the back of the truck!

And then I froze.

It was as if I was having an out of body experience... seeing myself in a wide panoramic sweep of the neighborhood as I stood in the middle of this driveway with my left hand limp at my side, my dog standing there looking at me startled and my other hand clutching my chest in sheer shock and surprise.

And then it happened...

The laughter!

...the kind of laughter that starts deep inside you - in a place whose very existence because of the seriousness of everyday life, I sometimes question.

I laughed and laughed. I turned and started walking away as my laughter echoed through the neighborhood louder and louder! The tears started covering my face and my cheeks began to burn as I gasped for air in between my bursts of giggles! I bent down trying to gather my composure as Lance licked my face of my tears and the laughter continued!

When was the last time you laughed until you cried and just kept laughing?! The last time you laughed without covering your mouth or stifling the giggles - just opened your mouth and laughed OUT LOUD not worrying about anyone around you and what they must be thinking!

Lance and I started walking again as I continued my laughing and grabbed my phone to call my mom at work to tell her about the Bionic Woman who lives in my neighborhood!

If my laughter had begun to subside before calling her to tell her my story, the recollection of it renewed my hysteria! It took me forever to get out the details of my "vision" between my impolite laughter!

Finally, as the now infectious DLV (Dorana Laughter Virus) had taken its course, she asked,

"So, was it a stuffed animal?"

Her question renewed my fit of giggles as I manage to get out,

"No!

It was a big, black GARBAGE BAG WITH BLUE HANDLES!


I NEED GLASSES!"


I spent the rest of the walk calling my friends and sharing my newly discovered diagnoses spreading the Dorana Laugh Virus for the next several hours, wondering if it would still be so funny when I could tell my story to my boyfriend hours later.

Three hours later as I drove home from running the evening errands, I pulled my car over to the side of the road unable to see through my tears of laughter, telling my story to my best friend, I gasped in hysterics,

"It's STILL FUNNY!"

17 comments:

  1. I hope I'm not leaving a second comment here!! My first just magically disappeared...:P
    Oh goodness,
    I have done the same thing several times in my day but I was usually uh..er, influenced by one thing or another. ;)
    Yes, glasses may be in your future. :)
    Thanks for sharing another well written and enchanting story!!

    Thanks!! :)

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  2. gov thank you again for your support and the great feedback! i might have been under the influence of that powerful agent known as chocolate! :o)

    siempre - dorana

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  3. On my honeymoon, we were at a hotel with a pool. Only new hubby and I were in the pool area, so I decided to get frisky with him. I swam under water to him. The chlorine was bad, so I only peeked a moment while swimming to find him, and them played a little feely-feely with him.

    I stood up only to find a very surprised stranger who had my hand in his trunks. He had gotten in while I was underwater.

    Weird thing, my "word verification" for submitting this is "oboogyo"

    ReplyDelete
  4. I really really hate Halloween masks. They have always freaked me out. When when I was 11, we were walking down the Halooween aisle at the grocery store, and my dad put on one of the masks, and I took off running. It wouldn't have been so bad, but I was pushing the cart, which was already semi-full, and there was this lady bending over. Well, before I could stop stop, I already had knocked her over, and she got up screaming. I really don't blame her! And needless to say, I felt awful! My dad had taken off the mask and incredulously asked me, "Why were you running? You know better than to run into people." The lady when I tried to apologize screamed at me and screamed that I had practically murdered her.

    By that time, I was a bawlimg wreak, and it seemed as if all eyes were cruelly looking at me as the heartless murderer.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I rather stupidly ignored a fire alarm once. In itself not too embarassing except I was at boarding school and in the bath at the time singing along at the top of my voice to the radio (had batteries, stop panicking). I assumed it was yet another false alarm, we often had them. Happy in my own little world I missed seeing the fireman in full breathing apparatus come in the unlocked bathroom door behind me and, without a word, grab a wet naked me, sling me over his shoulder and walk me out of the school into the rendezvous area ... and then dump me in front of the entire school without a towel. Fortunately someone came to my rescue with a coat. Whilst some of you may be thinking it is their absolute fantasy, let me tell you it was very very embarassing - I was in the town for another 2 years and by the end just about everyone knew about it and me! With all the garb on I never saw his face, but from the back he looked quite cute (to my 16 year old eyes)! Oh, the fire? It was MAJOR!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dorana,

    I did the same thing as you almost....We were out looking for one of our dogs and I knew the neighbour across the street had a German Shepard and warning signs up...he always keeps it chained up though.

    I went to walk over there and saw another dog on the front step without a chain! I went home, kind of freaked out about it (I was bit rather nastily by a GS guard dog a few years ago)...ranted to my husband about this 2nd dog not being chained up so we jumped in the truck to go over and see if our dog was wandering around...

    when we pulled up in front of the house, I said 'see! its not even chained up!!!'....my dh started laughing and laughing...'yeah, most people dont chain up their STATUES!'....

    sure enough, I looked a little closer and the 'dog' sitting on the front step was a statue of a GS (no wonder it hadnt moved while the other dog was running around like crazy)...

    and no, he hasnt let me live this one down...lol

    ReplyDelete
  7. he you go I hope other will get a giggle too. It was Christmas and he was not feeling well. So he was going to take a nap. When he took of his shirt he noticed his skin was blue. He came running down the stairs. He said he was having chest pains and could barely breath. So we all rushed him to the ER. The doctor did EKG and a few other test and could not explain what was going on but they too were concerned about his body turning blue. So they decided to admit him into the hospital and were starting an IV when the nurse wiped his arm and the swap turned blue. she then wiped a bigger part of his arm and more blue came off. He had gotten a blue shirt for Christmas and put it on to please his mother. Which turned him blue. The pains and breathing problems stop right then. We all went home all 15 of us. Most of us giggling, My X not so much. Sorry I just had to share this one.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Okay, well... lets see. This is graphic but no foul language! Beware!!!

    1998, and I'm in college - and lets say - inexperienced. My boyfriend at the time and I were dating not too terribly long, but long enough where we were intimate. Well, one night he wanted a BJ... and I really had a bad gag reflex. So, he suggested that we go to the porn store, and get something to numb my throat. At this time in my life, I was pretty much good with trying anything once - so off we went to the porn store. We purchase this jar of stuff called "Gag reflex cream" and go back to the dorm.

    There were no instructions at all on this - only said "apply to the back of your throat". So me, being stupid, take a nice big ol' wad of the crap and swallow it down. About a minute into the "Act" my entire face has now seized up and gone numb. My tongue wagging out of my mouth like a dog panting for water. I couldn't retract it. I'm hysterical. I can't feel my face. I can't move my tongue. Drool has now started to slither out of my mouth like a stampede of snails on the run from a predator. My boyfriend starts to freak out, which only upsets me more.

    If you've never had the pleasure of experiencing complete face, tongue, and throat numbness, then you will never understand the trauma of trying desperately NOT to choke to death on your own spit while crying so hard you start to dry heave.

    The only thing to do would be go to the hospital. But no, I couldn't possibly. What would I say? I over dosed on porn store gag cream so I could give my boyfriend head? Could you imagine this being told my Marine father and overly possessive mother? Surely, we couldn't go to the hospital. I feared for my life - and my face at this point.

    I'm sobbing and my boyfriend is freaking out and yelling - which only makes me more upset. He's yelling, I'm crying, and heaving, which has now started involuntary farting. The more upset he got, the more upset I became - until the inevitable moment I dreaded.

    I puked in his lap. Directly on Mr. Woo-Woo.

    Thankfully, my face, tongue, and throat FINALLY recovered after a few hours - but the shame and humility of that night will live on forever.

    I didn't see much of my former flame after that experience. And I'm pretty sure he's scarred for life from ever having oral again.

    That, my friends, is my most embarrassing moment to date.

    ReplyDelete
  9. To preface this story, I worked as a veterinary technician for 9 years and a pharmacy technician for 3 years, so I've always had a good grasp on the names of drugs and how to say them. That being said...

    My husband and I were out fishing one afternoon with his parents. (This was before he and I got married, but we had been dating for quite a few years already.) His mother and I went off down one stretch of the river and left the boys down the other end. We got to talking about my husband and how bad his allergies had been so far this season. As I was trying to hook a trout and talk at the same time, I said to my future mother-in-law, "Yes, I really wish he would go to the doctor and get some Viagra."

    What I had meant to say was "Allegra", which is an allergy medication, but rhymes with Viagra. (Which he certainly DIDN'T need!)

    At least we both still get a laugh out of it!

    ReplyDelete
  10. angel and ant... STILL giggling! thank you SO much guys for ALL of these really great submissions!

    two more days for entries into contest! we vote on TUESDAY!

    siempre - dorana

    ReplyDelete
  11. MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT CONTEST!
    =================================
    Submit your most embarrassing moment stories over the weekend and i'll add your shoppe name to the list and we'll vote on the winning story on Tuesday!

    PRIZE - TWO PAIR OF INTERCHANGEABLE CHARMS FROM dorana.etsy.com!

    STORY ENTRIES
    =================================

    1. Ant - never go diving into swim trunks blindly!

    2. Carolyne - 11 yo makes crash dummy of old lady in a halloween shop!

    3. SomersetSue - dorm shower + fire = naked on the campus lawn

    4. She Who Runs Amok - vicious, dangerous, unchained German Shepard... STATUE

    5. KuddleZoo - husband's smurf-man condition leaves medical community puzzled!

    6. AngelHeartBeads - "I CANT FEEL MY FACE!" - this story SUCKS!

    7. VanBeads - to her inlaws "Yes, I really wish he would go to the doctor and get some Viagra."

    =================================
    FIND MORE SUBMISSIONS AND ANOTHER CHANCE TO WIN AT
    http://www.etsy.com/forums_thread.php?thread_id=5908328&page=25

    ReplyDelete
  12. i had a job at a respectable uptight furniture store (big corporate kind)...i was real young & stupid and was having an affair with one of the union furniture handlers (who was married)....there was this out-of-the-way separate building that housed the a/c equipment & some furniture odds & ends.

    one day he talks me into going there on my break to do the 'wicked deed'...we're getting very very warm, when we heard the union boss fiddling with the door & lock. apparently this building was used often for illicit weed smoking, drinking & (today)sex, and he was trying to give us time to get ourselves presentable.

    the problem was that that day there was a special manager's meeting (all the managers from the surrounding districts)...they were doing a tour of the whole facility of our "flag ship" store & apparently all the satellite buildings.

    tho we were not smoking dope...i was labeled a "dope-head for the rest of my short stay there...you would think they would guess what we were really doing because my button-down sweater was on backwards & the buttons ascew.

    ReplyDelete
  13. my my my ellen! thanks for your post! make sure to come back Tuesday to VOTE!

    siempre - dorana

    ReplyDelete
  14. MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT CONTEST!
    =================================
    COME BACK TUESDAY TO VOTE! =================================
    Submit your most embarrassing moment stories over the weekend and i'll add your shoppe name to the list and we'll vote on the winning story on Tuesday!

    PRIZE - TWO PAIR OF INTERCHANGEABLE CHARMS FROM dorana.etsy.com!

    STORY ENTRIES
    =================================

    1. Ant - never go diving into swim trunks blindly!

    2. Carolyne - 11 yo makes crash dummy of old lady in a halloween shop!

    3. SomersetSue - dorm shower + fire = naked on the campus lawn

    4. She Who Runs Amok - vicious, dangerous, unchained German Shepard... STATUE

    5. KuddleZoo - husband's smurf-man condition leaves medical community puzzled!

    6. AngelHeartBeads - "I CANT FEEL MY FACE!" - this story SUCKS!

    7. VanBeads - to her inlaws "Yes, I really wish he would go to the doctor and get some Viagra."

    8. Ellen - back office utility trist! =================================
    FIND MORE SUBMISSIONS AND ANOTHER CHANCE TO WIN AT
    http://www.etsy.com/forums_thread.php?thread_id=5908328&page=25

    ReplyDelete
  15. My MIL painted a naked portrait of me from a picture she found in a book I lent her. Unfortch, it was a pic taken by my ex-boyfriend, not my husband. She painted it as a gift to my husband and presented it to him in front of the entire family.

    She also mentioned that she made my boobs smaller and my ass bigger.

    Its 4 feet tall and 3 feet wide. Who has naked portraits of themselves? Um strippers?

    ReplyDelete
  16. MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT CONTEST!
    =================================
    COME BACK TUESDAY TO VOTE! =================================
    Submit your most embarrassing moment stories over the weekend and i'll add your shoppe name to the list and we'll vote on the winning story on Tuesday!

    PRIZE - TWO PAIR OF INTERCHANGEABLE CHARMS FROM dorana.etsy.com!

    STORY ENTRIES
    =================================

    1. Ant - never go diving into swim trunks blindly!

    2. Carolyne - 11 yo makes crash dummy of old lady in a halloween shop!

    3. SomersetSue - dorm shower + fire = naked on the campus lawn

    4. She Who Runs Amok - vicious, dangerous, unchained German Shepard... STATUE

    5. KuddleZoo - husband's smurf-man condition leaves medical community puzzled!

    6. AngelHeartBeads - "I CANT FEEL MY FACE!" - this story SUCKS!

    7. VanBeads - to her inlaws "Yes, I really wish he would go to the doctor and get some Viagra."

    8. Ellen - back office utility trist!

    9. merril - - says MIL of naked portrait she made as gift, "i painted your boobs smaller and butt bigger!"

    =================================
    FIND MORE SUBMISSIONS AND ANOTHER CHANCE TO WIN AT
    http://www.etsy.com/forums_thread.php?thread_id=5908328&page=25

    ReplyDelete
  17. thanks for the entry merrill! there's something to be said for getting socks huh?

    LOL

    siempre - dorana

    ReplyDelete